There's something to be said for first loves. I envy the people who met their soul mates in highschool and stayed together all through the years, had the flamingo anniversary, grew old together. The people who only had one lover their entire life. I have a few friends who would disagree with me. Those people don't know what they're missing. They could have a terrible sex life and would never even know it. They could get along better with someone else. They could get along worse with someone else. They could love someone else more or less. If it is great, how can they really appreciate what they have? They have nothing to compare this relationship with, no baseline. Which is exactly my point.
I was once blissfully ignorant for 6 years. I was completely trusting and gave myself over wholeheartedly. I poured myself into that relationship and happily made sacrifices and compromises. I was content and secure and I knew we'd be together forever and someone would always have my back. Even if times got hard we were in it together. Once you've had your heart broken, your plans ruined, I don't think you can really throw yourself into another relationship like that again. If it happens I'll let you know, but at this point I'm doubtful. I'm not sure if I can love someone else with the reckless abandon that I did him.
The longest relationships I had had before were never more than a month long. I had never gotten really attached to anyone, until this guy. Looking back I can see a lot of things that were wrong. A lot of pieces of myself that I had given up so someone else could be happy. Activities that I had enjoyed but couldn't find the time for anymore since I was devoting so much of it to him. But the thing is, I'm not sure that if we hadn't broken up, that I would have ever noticed. Or maybe I would have. I don't regret anything. I wouldn't go back. I'm just saying I envy the blissfully ignorant.
No comments:
Post a Comment