How do you introduce the fart into the relationship? Do you just let it slip one day and see what happens?
I have decided to lay stink bombs. While he's in another room I'll let one slip out and then walk away from the area and when he comes back in I'll see if he makes a face when he walks past that spot. I'll just see if he notices and if he does I can blame it on one of the dogs. And then, when a fart takes me by surprise one day and just pops out, he may already be used to the smell so he won't think it's THAT bad. Or he will and my little stink bombs will have done nothing. Oh well...
Monday, July 25, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
What Dreams May Come
So last night I was texting Nice Guy and we were talking about how we probably wouldn't be able to get together until Thursday. Then he suggested he could maybe come see that night. I told him I was already in lingerie and in bed and that I had every intention of going to sleep but if he wanted to come sleep that would be okay with me. I think the mention of lingerie motivated him a little because he came right over.
We did just go to sleep though. Then in the middle of the night I had a dream that I had left little pieces of plastic on the end of the bed and that the dogs would eat them and choke if I didn't clean them up. So I got out of bed and was looking for these little pieces of plastic and Nice Guy was looking at me and asked what I was doing. At which point I realized I had been dreaming about the plastic and quickly jumped back into bed. Then later on he was lying on his side facing me and then turned to lie on his back and I have no idea what I was thinking or dreaming but I swear I thought he was falling off the bed. So I grabbed at him and came smack down down on his thigh, very close to his manhood and scared the shit out of him. He thought he had touched me inappropriately and I was really mad at him. It took me a little while before I stopped laughing to be able to tell him I was trying to save him from falling off the bed. Which he clearly wasn't, it's a queen sized bed... I don't know what I was thinking.... I obviously need more sleep.
We did just go to sleep though. Then in the middle of the night I had a dream that I had left little pieces of plastic on the end of the bed and that the dogs would eat them and choke if I didn't clean them up. So I got out of bed and was looking for these little pieces of plastic and Nice Guy was looking at me and asked what I was doing. At which point I realized I had been dreaming about the plastic and quickly jumped back into bed. Then later on he was lying on his side facing me and then turned to lie on his back and I have no idea what I was thinking or dreaming but I swear I thought he was falling off the bed. So I grabbed at him and came smack down down on his thigh, very close to his manhood and scared the shit out of him. He thought he had touched me inappropriately and I was really mad at him. It took me a little while before I stopped laughing to be able to tell him I was trying to save him from falling off the bed. Which he clearly wasn't, it's a queen sized bed... I don't know what I was thinking.... I obviously need more sleep.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Crap at Work and The L Word
Friday during the day did not go well. It started off with a text from my crew leader that the Porta-John was in a field that had the water turned on and there was no way he could get it to the next field and why hadn't I asked the farmer to not turn the water on? So I drive out to the field and get the Porta-john out of the mud, and it was technically on the land to the South of our field, which isn't even owned by the farmer, so I had no control over the water in that field. But whatever, lesson learned, don't park it there next time. So I bring it to the next field and find out he has buried the van in mud so that the back bumper is touching the ground. So now I have to go borrow a tow rope from a farmer and tow him out of the mud and I got stung by a bee in the process right behind the ear. Then I leave him to his own devices and get my summer student to help him out checking behind the crew to make sure they're doing a good job. A few minutes later I get a call from my summer student and she tells me that the crew leader is very pissed at me. I have no idea why he would be pissed at me since I brought him the Porta-John and got him unstuck from the mud. She then tells me that he told her he had to take a shit in the field because there wasn't a bathroom available. And he won't tell her where he did it and she's afraid she'll step in it. So my life is great.... Oh, and I got stung by a bee behind the ear and killed a bird with my antenna on my truck. The night was better though...
So that night was the Nice Guy's birthday party at his farm. A ton of his friends showed up and it was a lot of fun. People slowly left or went to bed until it was just Nice Guy, me and his friend who likes to shoot tequila and makes everyone else join in, we'll call him Corzo. So we're sitting there talking and I'm hearing all kinds of funny stories about Nice Guy and then Corzo makes us do one more shot of tequila because then the bottle will be gone. I HATE tequila. It burns when it goes down, it doesn't taste good in the slightest and yet somehow I let myself be pressured into multiple shots of it. So let's just say at this point I'm quite tipsy but still coherent. So we do the shot and then I hide the shot glasses so there is absolutely no way we can do any more shots tonight. And then we're talking a little bit more and Corzo is now trying to talk us into a shot of something else, and I look up at the clock and realize it's 3:30 in the morning. At which point I turn to Nice Guy and say "Look, I love you, but your friend is evil, it's 3:30 am and I'm going to bed" and then I start to walk away. Then I can hear what I've just said replaying in my head and I turn around and say "Did I just say I love you?" and they both nod their heads yes. So I said "I'm going to bed". I had every intention of waiting for him to say I love you first. I really did not want to be the first one to say it. I'm not even really sure if I do "love" him. I'm very into him, I really like him. But I don't know if it's love. Hopefully he doesn't read to far into my drunken ramblings....
So that night was the Nice Guy's birthday party at his farm. A ton of his friends showed up and it was a lot of fun. People slowly left or went to bed until it was just Nice Guy, me and his friend who likes to shoot tequila and makes everyone else join in, we'll call him Corzo. So we're sitting there talking and I'm hearing all kinds of funny stories about Nice Guy and then Corzo makes us do one more shot of tequila because then the bottle will be gone. I HATE tequila. It burns when it goes down, it doesn't taste good in the slightest and yet somehow I let myself be pressured into multiple shots of it. So let's just say at this point I'm quite tipsy but still coherent. So we do the shot and then I hide the shot glasses so there is absolutely no way we can do any more shots tonight. And then we're talking a little bit more and Corzo is now trying to talk us into a shot of something else, and I look up at the clock and realize it's 3:30 in the morning. At which point I turn to Nice Guy and say "Look, I love you, but your friend is evil, it's 3:30 am and I'm going to bed" and then I start to walk away. Then I can hear what I've just said replaying in my head and I turn around and say "Did I just say I love you?" and they both nod their heads yes. So I said "I'm going to bed". I had every intention of waiting for him to say I love you first. I really did not want to be the first one to say it. I'm not even really sure if I do "love" him. I'm very into him, I really like him. But I don't know if it's love. Hopefully he doesn't read to far into my drunken ramblings....
Monday, July 11, 2011
Corrupting Innocence, Jalapenos and Why do these things happen to me?
So I've been dating Nice Guy for three weeks now. We went camping and I met his cousins on Friday and then went to a house warming party for his other cousins on Saturday night. All the girls I met told me he's a really nice guy and that I was very lucky and they've never seen him so happy, etc. He's a lot of fun and very sociable. It's nice to be with a guy who actually wants to go out and do things. I even went to church with him on Sunday morning. His family isn't one of those intensely religious families though, so that's good.
So on to the good stuff... On Sunday night we were making out on the couch when his parents called and said they were on their way over to fix one of the gutters at his house and something else that I can't remember. They said they'd only be about an hour. So when they got there I spent some time chatting with his mom and his dad checked the oil in my truck and my tire pressure. I could check my oil myself but I'm a little short and require a stool to reach so I don't check it as often as I should. So Nice Guy ended up making some nachos for his parents since they had come over around supper time and he's a nice guy like that. He added jalapenos to them (remember this for later...) and so we all ate off of one big plate and drank beer. His parents left right after and we went back to making out. Up to this point, we had only ever kissed but it's been 3 weeks and even though I really didn't want to pressure him into anything, a girl has needs. Plus I taught him how to kiss and now he's a REALLY good kisser so I've turned him into a torture machine. So without getting into specifics I coaxed him into heavy petting, which turned into under the clothes, which turned into a little more, which turned into holy shit! what is that burning sensation?! Ahh yes, the jalapenos. So a little hand washing and we were back in action. We both ended up very happy, but it was also very late. So I left his place at 11:30 and let's make it clear that I was now tired, plus I was tired from not sleeping all that much for the whole weekend.
This is where my night went to shit. It was a half hour drive home and when I got there I was definitely feeling sleep deprived. I had my overnight bag in the back seat with my dog and then my dog's bag of stuff and his collapsable crate on the passenger's side. So for some reason, I put my truck keys in my purse, left it on the passengers seat, got out, let my dog out and grabbed my overnight bag and then auto locked the doors. Then I went around to the passenger's side and tried to open the door... which, surprise surprise, didn't open. I hate that feeling, the exact point where you wish you were playing a game and could just press restart? The "No!! I didn't mean to do that! Please tell me I didn't actually just do that!! Undo!! Undo!!"
So first I tried breaking into my house, and falling short of breaking a window, I can't break in. Which is slightly comforting but not helpful at midnight when I have to work in the morning. I go back to look at my truck and stare at my keys and cell phones and all contact with those that could help me... Then I remember that my friend who lives down the street has one of my spare keys and that she keeps a spare key hidden in her shed. So I walk down the street to her house, and when I get to her shed, the light is burnt out. So I'm feeling around for her key and finally find it (thank God!) and I break into her house. I should probably mention she's in another province right now visiting her parents. And since I have no phone, I can't call and inform her that I will be breaking into her house. So I'm trying to find my spare key and I looked everywhere, I probably searched for half an hour. She doesn't have a home phone, just uses her cell phone so I can't just call and ask where my key is. Nor can I call my work the next morning from her house to get someone to bring my spare truck keys to me. Then I thought I should use her computer and email her to ask where she had hidden my key. Unfortunately she has a wireless keyboard and the batteries were dead and for the life of me I could not find any in the house. So at almost 1 am I said screw it, I'm sleeping in her bed. I then realized the only clock she has in her house is in the kitchen. So now I don't have an alarm for the morning... So I opened the curtains and figured the sun would wake me up at about 6. I didn't end up sleeping very well because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up because I was already so tired and clearly wasn't going to get enough sleep tonight as it was. I ended up waking up at 6:30, walked to the Doctor's house down the street (him and his wife are really nice to me and invite me to dinner all the time) and knocked on their door and asked to use their phone to call my work where there's an extra set of keys to my truck. They were super nice about it and even gave me breakfast while I waited for someone to be able to bring me my key. I was definitely late for work, but luckily I work at a place where everyone is very understanding. So I guess things didn't end up so horrible, but it was definitely not pleasant.
BTW Nice Guy texted me the next day to say that last night was really hot and he had a lot of fun. I have a feeling I have permanently corrupted him...
So on to the good stuff... On Sunday night we were making out on the couch when his parents called and said they were on their way over to fix one of the gutters at his house and something else that I can't remember. They said they'd only be about an hour. So when they got there I spent some time chatting with his mom and his dad checked the oil in my truck and my tire pressure. I could check my oil myself but I'm a little short and require a stool to reach so I don't check it as often as I should. So Nice Guy ended up making some nachos for his parents since they had come over around supper time and he's a nice guy like that. He added jalapenos to them (remember this for later...) and so we all ate off of one big plate and drank beer. His parents left right after and we went back to making out. Up to this point, we had only ever kissed but it's been 3 weeks and even though I really didn't want to pressure him into anything, a girl has needs. Plus I taught him how to kiss and now he's a REALLY good kisser so I've turned him into a torture machine. So without getting into specifics I coaxed him into heavy petting, which turned into under the clothes, which turned into a little more, which turned into holy shit! what is that burning sensation?! Ahh yes, the jalapenos. So a little hand washing and we were back in action. We both ended up very happy, but it was also very late. So I left his place at 11:30 and let's make it clear that I was now tired, plus I was tired from not sleeping all that much for the whole weekend.
This is where my night went to shit. It was a half hour drive home and when I got there I was definitely feeling sleep deprived. I had my overnight bag in the back seat with my dog and then my dog's bag of stuff and his collapsable crate on the passenger's side. So for some reason, I put my truck keys in my purse, left it on the passengers seat, got out, let my dog out and grabbed my overnight bag and then auto locked the doors. Then I went around to the passenger's side and tried to open the door... which, surprise surprise, didn't open. I hate that feeling, the exact point where you wish you were playing a game and could just press restart? The "No!! I didn't mean to do that! Please tell me I didn't actually just do that!! Undo!! Undo!!"
So first I tried breaking into my house, and falling short of breaking a window, I can't break in. Which is slightly comforting but not helpful at midnight when I have to work in the morning. I go back to look at my truck and stare at my keys and cell phones and all contact with those that could help me... Then I remember that my friend who lives down the street has one of my spare keys and that she keeps a spare key hidden in her shed. So I walk down the street to her house, and when I get to her shed, the light is burnt out. So I'm feeling around for her key and finally find it (thank God!) and I break into her house. I should probably mention she's in another province right now visiting her parents. And since I have no phone, I can't call and inform her that I will be breaking into her house. So I'm trying to find my spare key and I looked everywhere, I probably searched for half an hour. She doesn't have a home phone, just uses her cell phone so I can't just call and ask where my key is. Nor can I call my work the next morning from her house to get someone to bring my spare truck keys to me. Then I thought I should use her computer and email her to ask where she had hidden my key. Unfortunately she has a wireless keyboard and the batteries were dead and for the life of me I could not find any in the house. So at almost 1 am I said screw it, I'm sleeping in her bed. I then realized the only clock she has in her house is in the kitchen. So now I don't have an alarm for the morning... So I opened the curtains and figured the sun would wake me up at about 6. I didn't end up sleeping very well because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up because I was already so tired and clearly wasn't going to get enough sleep tonight as it was. I ended up waking up at 6:30, walked to the Doctor's house down the street (him and his wife are really nice to me and invite me to dinner all the time) and knocked on their door and asked to use their phone to call my work where there's an extra set of keys to my truck. They were super nice about it and even gave me breakfast while I waited for someone to be able to bring me my key. I was definitely late for work, but luckily I work at a place where everyone is very understanding. So I guess things didn't end up so horrible, but it was definitely not pleasant.
BTW Nice Guy texted me the next day to say that last night was really hot and he had a lot of fun. I have a feeling I have permanently corrupted him...
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
A Little Self Critical
So I was giving a presentation today for a field school and I was asked to do a TV interview. The guy who was suppose to do the interview was having a baby today so they asked if I could fill in. But they told me a few minutes before the camera man put a camera in my face and I was very flustered. I was hoping they wouldn't use the footage they had of me because they interviewed a couple other guys and I felt like I didn't answer the questions well enough.
Turns out they did use my footage and the first time watching it I thought I did absolutely horrible. My voice sounded weird, I said umm a lot, I was blinking a lot and my explanations could have been so much more clearer. I didn't sound really confident in my answers. So overall I'm not feeling very good about my 60 seconds of fame. But I had taped it so then I call my parents and Skyped with them so I could show them my interview. They said they thought I did really well and I was being too hard on myself. After watching it a second time I felt like my complexion looked really good, and they had the top third of my body so weight wise I looked pretty good. And after really hearing what I had said, it wasn't totally wrong, it just could have been more right. I wish it had gone a little differently, but I guess this isn't the worse thing that could happen to me.
Turns out they did use my footage and the first time watching it I thought I did absolutely horrible. My voice sounded weird, I said umm a lot, I was blinking a lot and my explanations could have been so much more clearer. I didn't sound really confident in my answers. So overall I'm not feeling very good about my 60 seconds of fame. But I had taped it so then I call my parents and Skyped with them so I could show them my interview. They said they thought I did really well and I was being too hard on myself. After watching it a second time I felt like my complexion looked really good, and they had the top third of my body so weight wise I looked pretty good. And after really hearing what I had said, it wasn't totally wrong, it just could have been more right. I wish it had gone a little differently, but I guess this isn't the worse thing that could happen to me.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
More than Proud and Fireworks
So my dog and I were in a demo at the Canada Day festivities this weekend. We did Scent Hurdling, which we've been practicing for a few months now. This time he distinguished between 4 dumbbells, brought the right one back without dropping it and jumped over all the hurdles. We are well on our way to making the team and actually competing!! Words can not describe how happy I am with my dog. He didn't get distracted at all, he knew exactly what he had to do and he was so happy doing it. I couldn't ask for anything more. I love him.
Later on Nice Guy came to watch fireworks with my friends and I. We all laid on a couple blankets and I really liked that part. I'm very cuddly, I love puppy piles. He then came back to my house after and my temporary roommate went to bed. We spent an hour talking and he kissed me. I don't know if I'm feeling it though. I really do like him. I'm attracted to him. But I feel like something is missing. I think it's something carnal. This guy is a little too sweet to be able to imagine carnal with him. I'll keep going for a little while to see if I change my mind about this.
Later on Nice Guy came to watch fireworks with my friends and I. We all laid on a couple blankets and I really liked that part. I'm very cuddly, I love puppy piles. He then came back to my house after and my temporary roommate went to bed. We spent an hour talking and he kissed me. I don't know if I'm feeling it though. I really do like him. I'm attracted to him. But I feel like something is missing. I think it's something carnal. This guy is a little too sweet to be able to imagine carnal with him. I'll keep going for a little while to see if I change my mind about this.
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