Cynic

So chocolate making at Nice Guy's aunt's house went well. Apparently he's been making them for about 10 years and they are AWESOME!!! We didn't get much done though because his aunt really wanted more of a social visit and used chocolate making as an excuse. So there was LOTS of talking and a bit of TMI about some serious subjects. Which was extremely uncomfortable but what do you do when the woman is 73 years old? But overall it was a nice visit and if I'm still with him next year I'd be willing to do it again.

Last night I was making blueberry buttertarts (I suck at cooking but I'm a good baker) with a friend and she was asking me if things were going well with Nice Guy and did I think we'd keep moving forward. And I told her things are good, we like the same things, we're supportive of our differences and he really loves me. She said "You can totally tell he's really into you". And it made me think back to a few days ago when we were walking the dogs and he looked at me and said "You're sister was right." and I said "About what?" and he said "You are easy to love." Which made me feel good and sad at the same time.

I think I've figured out a little more about my cynicism. It's not that I feel like I shouldn't be loved, it's that I feel like love isn't enough. I loved and was loved for 6 years and it ended in us not speaking anymore. I used to believe that all you need is love but clearly that isn't the case. So what else is it that you need? I don't know. Love is important but it's not everything, and until I figure out what else I need, I don't feel like I can be emotionally/mentally committed. Not that I'm going to cheat or anything, just that I can't promise forever.