I am a planner. Some people might even describe me as a schemer. But I'm basically a Plan B person. I need to have a way out. I need to have a fall back plan. It's how I got through school and most of my life.
For example, if I absolutely totally f-ing bomb this midterm and my grade is reduced to rubble, what's my Plan B? I'll have to get a 85% on the final and if I can't do that I can retake this class at Summer School and be able to devote more time to it. Given that I can decide on a Plan B I can live with, the stress of having to succeed at Plan A is taken away and I usually accomplish it anyway, never actually having to rely on Plan B. I did this all through school from Grade 9 almost all the way to finishing my Masters.
But I'll let you in on a little secret. I also had a Plan C. And that Plan C was always "if I make a complete disgrace of myself and somehow fail every single subject and it all stops making any sort of sense, I can always become a house wife". I had placed my entire future on my Ex, and I did this for years. If shit hit the fan, I was just going to leave it all behind and let my Ex be the bread winner. My parents and siblings would be disappointed, but I was willing to live with that. And there's where I wasn't characteristically me. I had no Plan B for my Ex. It had never occurred to me that our relationship would ever end. I had a head over heels, love conquers all, all you need is love, it's us against the world mentality.
Which brings me to the other type of person. The No Plan B people. These are the type of people who you can not make aware of the Plan B. If you tell them a decent Plan B, one they could live with, then they completely give up on A or may fail to try as hard as they would have otherwise, because Plan B seems to look pretty nice compared to the stress of Plan A.
If two No Plan B people get together, it's one of those relationships where they may fight a lot and become very passionate about things and you may sometimes wonder why they're even together. But their relationship lasts for years and years. These people can have an enormous amount of love for each other. These are the people who stay together because it never occurs to them that they could be apart. Unless one day, one of them becomes aware of the Plan B, and it doesn't look so bad.
I was a No Plan B person when it came to love, and then Plan B was sort of forced upon me. I became very aware that I could and would have to live without my Ex. Which brings me to today. I am now a Plan B person when it comes to love. I am always seeking a possible way out with Nice Guy. For example, I was thinking (just thinking mind you, not actually considering or planning in any way) about what it would be like to move in with Nice Guy. Where would we live, how would it work? And I decided that he should buy/rent a house and I would pay him rent, that way if we broke up I could just leave. I decided against me buying property because he had llamas and chickens and things and if I'm living by myself, I don't want to have a big farm to take care of. I find myself thinking, if I want to end it I can, but I'm having fun and things are good and I really don't have any complaints. But if something really starts bothering me, I am willing to end it. I think...
So I'm not sure how I feel with being a Plan B girl when it comes to love. It could turn out really well, given that I almost never actually have to resort to Plan B. I could live my life with prenuptials, separate bank accounts, and names in books and movie cases, in case of the event of a breakup, and by giving myself an out, have it never actually occur. Or I could be sabotaging myself, if I'm making it an option, I may wake up one day and decide it might be pretty good, especially given that I'm already set up to handle it. I guess we'll see...
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