I just wanted to sleep

So we got into a fight on Wednesday night... and it's partly my fault but it's also a lot of his fault.

First, let's just set some background information; I like my sleep. I've always liked my sleep. I don't function well on little sleep. When I was young and the news would come on and say "it's 11 o'clock, do you know where your children are?" my mom would confidently say "they are in bed." And every time she would be right. All through highschool, all through university I was getting solid sleep. I have never pulled an "All-Nighter". Ever. Not once. So now that we've established that I really need my beauty sleep, I'll continue with the fight.

So on Wednesday we had fooled around and then I was done. He had slept over the night before so I wasn't expecting him to stay, but he lingered. And he likes to talk, so I was lying there and letting him talk, although what I really wanted to do was shut off the lights and go to sleep. But then I start getting grumpy, because we'd been spending a lot of time together lately, and he likes to talk in bed, at bedtime.... And I've been tracking my sleep patterns on my iPhone with Sleep Cycle and I'm used to getting 8 or 9 hours of sleep and for the past month I've been averaging 7 and a half... Just saying....

So apparently I brought up looking at houses, although he's the one that printed off the descriptions and left them on my coffee table accidentally, and he wanted to know when a good time was and which houses we should look at. And there was one North of the city, that's almost as far North as he is West right now, but it would be good because it's closer to his parents and the church and stuff. And at some point I just got tired of the talking and said I don't care, I just think it's really far.

I have forgotten what happened during this next part but I do remember him asking if I wanted to live together before or after we got engaged and I said "When I'm ready", which he didn't like... But I have no control over when exactly he's going to ask me, so how can I know if I'll want to live together by then? And I was tired and grumpy and I don't think well under those conditions so I probably said some stuff that was a bit insensitive.

After a few more minutes of him talking to me about houses I broke down crying and yelled "You never let me sleep! I just want to sleep" and he questioned why I didn't want to look at houses or move in together and I told him "That's just how I feel. At this very second I am just nervous about that step. It's just how I'm feeling at this moment. I'm just not comfortable with it. But I'm tired and I might feel completely different tomorrow once I'm more like myself". But he didn't really like that answer and was questioning how I felt about him and us and are we moving too fast and I just started crying again.

Then he said "What can I do to make it better?" and I told him "You can leave."

Which I think really hurt his feelings but at that point I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep, that's all. I didn't want to fight, I didn't have the energy, I wasn't getting my point across anyway. I needed sleep.

So he left and I slept great. And I woke up the next morning all happy. I sent him a text message which he didn't respond to so I sent him another asking if he was mad at me. And he responded that he wasn't mad, he was just frustrated. So I said we could talk after work.

And we did. I explained that I seriously need my sleep, and I just don't function well without it. And he said "Ya I can see that". So at least we're on the same page with that now. And I told him I feel better about looking at houses, just to see how far away they are and if I'd be willing to make the drive. And once we know how far is too far we'll have a range for when we're really ready to look. I'm much more reasonable when I'm awake and rested. And I explained the "I don't know exactly when you're going to ask me so how will I know if I'll be ready to move in before or after?" thing, which I had done a terrible job of the night before. So now we're going to try not to bring up things that may be bothering us right before bedtime.

So we fought. And we made it through to the other side. I'm really glad he told me he was frustrated with me and just didn't wimp out and say nothing was bothering him. And I'm glad he didn't guilt trip me about anything I had done that night, I know I hurt his feelings but I wasn't trying to, I just wanted sleep.

Something that really annoyed me about the Ex was that whenever we fought, he would say "You're right. I'm a terrible boyfriend. I don't know why you're with me". And I would be manipulated into saying "You're not that bad. I may be over-reacting a little. You really are good to me". And some how, whenever he did something wrong that seriously pissed me off, I'd end up consoling him about it. It drove me insane. So one of my big hang ups with Nice Guy was that we had never really fought yet, and I really didn't want to be with someone who fought the same way as the Ex.

I feel really good about this guy...